Nurhayat Yildiz, who lost her twin babies in prison, wrote about the prison conditions and days in which she lost her babies in her letter. Even the background in her last photo shows the physical conditions that she is in right now…
SEVİNÇ ÖZARSLAN
BOLD– BOLD reached the letter of Nurhayat Yıldız, a housewife who was arrested on 29 August 2016 and lost her twin babies while in prison. Yıldız, who is the first mother that lost her baby in prison during the Banishment process, was 3 months pregnant in those days. On the way to the doctor’s check to find out the sex of her baby, she was detained on the way in 19 Mayıs district of Samsun. She found out she was going to have twins in prison, but her happiness didn’t last long. Babies died in the womb in the 19th week of the pregnancy. Yıldız, who wrote that “My babies could not withstand the conditions and stress of the prison”, describes in detail the experiences she had from the day of her arrest until the time she lost her babies.
SLEPT IN FRONT OF THE TOILET WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT
In this process, Yıldız was forced to sleep on the floor in front of the toilet as a pregnant woman. She stayed with 21 people and 1 baby in the 10-person-ward in Sinop Prison. She was in a hospital room that the window winder of the room was removed. After suffering a miscarriage with medication, she could not recover from this trauma for months. She was depressed for six months.
Her lawyer typed Nurhayat Yildiz’s handwritten letter then sent it to her parents and relatives through the computer. Since Yıldız’s lawyer has also been arrested, we are now publishing the typed version of the letter instead of the original handwritten one.
The wall in the background of her last photo in August 2019 shows the physical conditions in Sinop Prison.
Yildiz, who could not send any photographs because taking photos was prohibited in Prison, sent two photos after the ban was lifted in her last letter.
THAT LETTER YILDIZ WROTE IN JULY 2017:
I WAS GOING TO SAMSUN TO SEE A DOCTOR
“ On 29.08.2016, my bus was stopped by police when I was on my way to a private hospital in Samsun because of my three-month pregnancy. I was taken to the police station. I found out there was a search warrant for me. It was like a noontime. I waited there until 5:00 p.m. I was taken to Sinop with a police team from Sinop. I had nausea. I couldn’t eat, I only had soup at the police station. We were in Sinop around 7 pm, but I was exhausted, I had contractions from fatigue. The policemen that brought me to Sinop said I’d be released by judicial control because I had a special situation, but such a thing didn’t happen. I was kept waiting for three hours, I couldn’t bear the fatigue, they told me I could go into a room and rest.
IN 10 MINUTES, I WAS ARRESTED
I lied down for a little. Then the judge came, I was taken to court. I asked what I was charged with. Bylock said, Judge. I certainly said that I did not use such an application, I heard it for the first time, but it was decided in 10 minutes that I was arrested. My family was outraged. They asked if I was hungry. Despite the shock of the decision, I had no appetite even if I did not eat for hours. I had contractions. Then I was sent to prison after some procedures. It was past 00:00, I was put in solitary. I was so shocked that I was worried about my baby’s health. The next day was August 30th. They didn’t take me to the ward because of the feast. I had to stay another night alone. I had been crying all the time. I couldn’t eat because of sorrow. They took me to the ward around 11:00 on Wednesday.
3 PEOPLE AND 1 BABY HAD TO LIE ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF THE TOILET
There were 22 of us in the ward, which was for 10 people. The ward was two-storey, upstairs was the lunchroom. Since there is no place to sleep upstairs, we as 3 people and 1 baby had to lay down on the floor in front of the toilet. Downstairs was also lunchroom and it was forbidden to sleep there too. I learned this months later, but we had to sleep there. Because there were beds on the floor upstairs as well.
IN PRISON, I LEARNED THAT I WOULD GIVE BIRTH TO TWINS
My nausea was still going on, I couldn’t eat the prison food. I wrote petitions, stated my situation, the prosecution never answered. I lost two kilos, then I reduce to 63 kilograms. I was taken to the infirmary on Thursday because I was worried about my baby’s health after the first week of my arrest. I was taken to the doctor on Friday. I heard two heartbeats in control. I found out that my babies were twins, and I was very happy.
They put the pictures of the ultrasound printout in my file immediately, I couldn’t even look at them. Now I had to pay more attention to myself, but the prison conditions were not suitable for this pregnancy. I had to eat nutritious food for babies. I was already in sorrow and stress. I wrote a petition to the prosecutor’s office again, never returned. I stayed in the A2 ward for about 26 days, then moved to the A1 ward. While I was waiting for the evacuation, they made me settled here thoroughly, I was even more emotionally crushed once again. Friends in the ward always said I should eat. On September 26, I went to the infirmary and referred for a monthly check. Because outside, I was going to check in regularly, there was no problem.
THEY BOTH HAVE EXS, THE DOCTOR SAID, I WAS SHOCKED
I felt they were moving because they were 17 weeks old. It was a beautiful feeling. I was in the mood for tangerines, I wrote to the canteen form 4-5 times, did not come. I was eating lemon instead. I was taken to check on October 4th. I’ve been feeling abnormalities for a few days. I was anxious. I felt their movements several times, then I didn’t. When I put on the ultrasound, the doctor asked me the last time I felt their movements. I told him it was a few days. Both have been Exs, he said. I was shocked, I couldn’t even cry.
I lost my babies in prison a month after I learned that they were twins. We had to make a miscarriage, the doctor said. I said maybe there was something wrong, maybe they were alive. The doctor sent me to detailed ultrasound, the result remained unchanged.
Nurhayat Yıldız: I went back to the prison where I was pregnant with great sorrow and pain. I thought I’d get through it easily, but it didn’t. When I was eating and my stomach was swelling, I had been thinking I was pregnant and then when I realized the reality, I was feeling depressed. To avoid this, I didn’t swell my stomach and I trimmed myself down for months.
I DIDN’T WANT TO GO BACK TO PRISON WITH THAT PSYCHOLOGY
It was very painful. My babies could not withstand any longer to prison conditions, sadness and stress. I wrote in petitions that I couldn’t stand it, but I was ignored. My parents were notified, my mother stayed with me as a companion. The doctor said, we would wait for me to have a miscarriage, we can’t do an abortion. On Tuesday evening, they hospitalized me and started medication. Wednesday morning there was no change. It might take a week to wait for me to have a miscarriage, the doctor said.
I reported my case to the prosecution office. Because I did not want to return to prison with that psychology. I asked for forensic control. Soon after, I had a miscarriage at 15.00. I lost my babies, whose gender I still don’t know. My family was miserable. My brother waited at the door of the service until midnight even though he knew he could not meet me.
THEY REMOVED MY HOSPITAL ROOM’S WINDOW WINDER
After I lost my babies, the window winder of the room where I slept was removed in hospital. Normally they cuff people to bed, but they didn’t do it. Even knowing that was too depressing for me. Thursday evening, my brother brought the tangerines I wanted many times, but I couldn’t eat it because of crying. Because my parents didn’t know that I wanted this fruit many times, I could hardly eat one or two.
SOLDIERS TOOK ME OUTSIDE FROM THE BACK DOOR OF THE HOSPITAL
I was released from the hospital on Friday morning. I said goodbye to my mother in the room. My brother was waiting at the door of the service. The soldiers and guards took me out the back door of the hospital. My mother couldn’t come down, I was sure that moment tore her heart out. Because she was a mother. I was also a mother then, I started to understand her. I felt how did it feel to have your child go missing.
AFTER TEN MONTHS, I STILL CRY AS I REMEMBER THOSE MOMENTS
I was put in the prison bus. My brother was waving, and I was waving at him because I was trying to look strong. The bus’s engine started to run, the bus was going to move. My brother put his hands to his face, started to cry, he was trying not to notice me, he sat on the bench there then the bus moved. Ten months passed, I still cry as I remember those moments.
I WAS ON A DIET FOR MONTHS, SO I WOULD NOT THINK I WAS PREGNANT
I went back to the prison where I was pregnant with great sorrow and pain. I thought I’d get through it easily, but it didn’t. When I was eating and my stomach was swelling, I had been thinking I was pregnant and then when I realized the reality, I was feeling depressed. To avoid this, I didn’t swell my stomach and I trimmed myself down for months. For 1.5 months, I lived with the feeling that my babies were still moving in my womb until I was taken to doctor check after miscarriage.
“BEING PREGNANT IS NOT REASON FOR A RELEASE”
I was arrested without testifying to the prosecutor, but after losing my babies, I was summoned to testify on October 18. As soon as my testify started, tell me someone else’s name, and I would send you home, the prosecutor said. I told you everything I know truly. I told that I reported my situation many times but there was no answer. Being pregnant is not a reason for you to be released, the prosecutor said. If there was anything else I knew, why I wouldn’t tell you, I said. I asked for help. I told him I only worked in that school for a living. You didn’t tell anything I don’t know that help us consequently I couldn’t help you, he said. Afterward, I was sent back to prison back.
I WAS DEPRESSED FOR 6 MONTHS
I had been depressed for six months. I was sleeping till 3:00 p.m. in a day, sometimes I was sleeping more. They evacuated mothers with children due to unjust treatment, but they did not evict me despite all the unjust treatments I had experienced. Ten months later, the indictment was prepared. May 23 was the first court. On 28.06.2017 I was called to psychiatry by the institution even though I did not submit a petition. I told him what I went through. How did you deal with all these for months, he said. The doctor told me that I need medication, I didn’t want to. The medication was not a solution for me.
NOW WAITING FOR DELAYED JUSTICE
I’m in the 11th month. A person who confessed in the case I was on trial, who also benefited from remorse law, is now free. That person admits that she downloaded Bylock, but says she didn’t use it. How does she convince the court she was not using it? The content of this program is not trackable. If something is a crime, it’s a crime. It cannot be changed for a person. The same accusations were with mothers with children, but I was ignored when they were evicted. The pathology did not reveal any physiological findings that would cause my babies to die. I lost my babies because of sorrow, stress and unfair treatment. Now I’m waiting for delayed justice.”